


Change

by whitemustangs



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Beautiful Golden Fools, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, POV Female Character, POV First Person, Sad, Sexual Content, Tragedy, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2020-12-27 08:00:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21115409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitemustangs/pseuds/whitemustangs
Summary: This is an alternate universe-modern setting work in which Cersei is married to Rhaegar. It is completely from Cersei's POV and obviously her main love here is Jaime. I wrote this fic to work and sort out my feelings for Cersei and also to make myself sad and now others sad as well. Jaime is married to Lysa here but the Jaime/Lysa marriage isn't a focus like the Cersei/Rhaegar marriage is.Heavily  Jaime/Cersei fic but expect a tragic ending for them cuz I'm dramatic and messy like that.Fingers crossed I can publish a chapter 2 by the end of this week.





	1. Chapter 1

_ Change _

_ Night _

_ C__ersei Lannister _ laid still in bed, relishing in the feel of the cool air from the open window. It was so close. In just a few mere hours, the day would finally be here. The day she had been waiting for the entire year. A year of waiting. A year of having her heart aching in every waking moment, of both sweet dreams and anxiety fueled nightmares of the upcoming day. Every moment had felt like an eternity. And yet now, with the crisp cold air leaving goosebumps on her skin, the whole year seemed like a blur. She had survived another year. Another year without _ him. _

It was all terribly unfair, how this wretched world was filled with imbeciles who lived and loved and laughed to their heart’s delight. Yet, the gods with their cruelty could only bear to bestow her one day a year to remind her that she was still alive. The rest of the year, she slept and walked with her heart hot and heavy inside of her. Her every heartbeat felt like a flame and she knew that her fire could only be put out by his _ coolness. _

There had been times when Cersei had tried to forget about him. _ It could have never been _ , she had told herself. Her attempts at not loving him had been unsuccessful. He was her other half. They were one person in two bodies. When he was inside her, she felt _ whole. _ His love was her sweetest poison and if she truly had the choice, she’d gladly drink the entire vial and die with his lips on hers.

Yet, she had to live. For herself, for her children and her father. _ She had to play the dutiful daughter and loving mother. _ So, she did just that. She’d wake up in the mornings, wire herself with a strong dose of caffeine, kissing the tops of her children’s heads as they left for school. She’d braid Myrcella’s hair and play with Tommen and his kittens. She’d write and send letters to Joffrey at boarding school. She’d pray every Sunday that Joff would grow up to be as strong and fierce as his _ father _and learn to wield power like her husband one day.

_ She had played the beautiful wife. _Adorning beautiful dresses and Louboutins and emeralds and rubies and diamonds at parties she had attended with her husband. She had charmed all her husband’s bland business associates and friends with dazzling smiles while tossing her golden curls as she had danced with them. She had let her husband put one hand at the small of her back while he flicked his champagne glass with his other hand.

She found herself pinching her wrist as all the memories flooded back to her. The angry red marks left on her skin were a bitter reminder that by tomorrow night, she would be craving again. That her heart would only be quenched for some fleeting moments. She hated that it was the same story every year. 

Her throat felt tight, and she hated that the peace she had felt had turned to simmering anger. She did not feel better when she heard the front door open and the clattering of his keys. Rhaegar was home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes more into this history of Rhaegar/Cersei and when and how they met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really wish I had been able to upload this sooner, but I'm positive that I'll be able to upload a chapter 3 very soon!
> 
> I also feel like I need to apologize for the writing quality lmao, I have so many ideas in my head but unfortunately I'm not a strong enough writer to execute them as well as I'd like.
> 
> Still if you're reading this, I really really appreciate it and it means a lot honestly.

Cersei sighed and forced herself to close her eyes. As she did, she heard Rhaegar climb up the stairs and just some seconds later, his footsteps approached their bedroom and he turned the doorknob and entered. She heard her husband put his briefcase down, remove his suit jacket and forced herself to not cringe as the room filled with the smell of his cologne.  _ Cersei had once loved that scent.  _ Rhaegar was a creature of habit, he had been wearing the same Armani cologne for as long as she could remember. She remembered how she had savored the scent on his skin when she had pressed her mouth to his neck during their wedding night. It was one of the few truly happy moments of her marriage. That night she had felt that this was meant to be. 

Moments later, Rhaegar lied down beside her in bed, spooning her as he put an arm around her stomach. He caressed a lock of hair that was on her face and tucked it behind her ear. “Hey”, he said softly. She had no choice but to open her eyes and face him, as he knew that she was a light sleeper. She smiled and ran a hand up his bare chest. His gazed at her with violet eyes that gleamed with the shine of the moonlight from the open window. When Cersei had first seen his eyes, she had been left breathless. 

Rhaegar was nearly a decade older than her, and to her teenage self, he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen.It had been her 15th birthday, her father Tywin Lannister had thrown a lavish party in a massive and luxurious ballroom in Paris to show off his beautiful daughter to the world's most powerful families. Cersei had been dressed in a beautiful red Valentino gown that had been low cut enough to show a hint of cleavage and flattered her newly formed curves. Her uncle Kevan had looked her up and down and hugged her a few beats longer than she would have liked. 

Throughout the entire night, Cersei had been escorted around by Genna Lannister, her portly aunt intertwining her arm with hers and flitting her around to introduce her to every family that had a son who could betroth her as soon as she came of age. Cersei had been bored out of her mind, wanting nothing more than to drink wine and dance her face off. Her best friend Melara Heatherspoon might have even been able to get some molly from her much older boyfriend. Cersei had never wanted to be intoxicated so badly. Still, she had done her duty. She had been as charming as she could, cordially greeting each family and thanking them for attending her party. She had made sure to smile alluringly at their sons and kiss their cheeks. She had been born for  _ this _ . 

Unlike her brothers, Cersei had received no formal schooling. She had been homeschooled by private tutors who had taught her basic Maths, English, History and Science but her education paled in comparison to that of her twin Jaime’s prestigious all boys boarding school located in the English countryside. Even her hideous dwarf brother Tyrion had gotten to attend a local posh private school. Tywin Lannister never wanted his daughter to any part of the family business. She was the older twin, having entered the world a few minutes before Jaime, yet she was always destined to be a broodmare because of her sex. _"I should have been born a man"_, Cersei had often thought to herself. 

Jaime got all the glory even though he had none of her ambition. He was the golden son, while Cersei was nothing more than a prized trophy. At the moment, her twin was likely getting wasted with his football buddies. Father had flown to his school last week to visit him and gift him his first Rolex watch for his birthday. She had felt a pang of jealousy in her heart as she knew father would never make time in his schedule to specially visit her. Cersei would have gladly exchanged a million fancy birthday parties for a gesture like that from her father.  _ It wasn't fair.  _

Still despite all her anger and resentment, she could not help but long for Jaime. She wanted him there with her, for him to hold her hand and blow out their birthday candles together. For him to swipe his thumb across her lips as he fed her a piece of cake.

It had been Rhaegar who had interrupted her thoughts, as he had arrived just as her cake was set down on the table. The moment she had laid her eyes on him, Cersei had forgotten all about Jaime. Cersei had always rolled her eyes at other girls whenever they swooned over Rhaegar Targaryen. To her annoyance, even bold beautiful Melara wanted him. She had told Melara to "just fuck herself already" whenever she'd catch her scrolling through Rhaegar's Instagram or watching his YouTube song covers. 

Seeing him in person was different though, in that moment Cersei finally understood what all her friends saw in him. He was the first man to leave her utterly speechless. As he walked in with his stance apologetic as he had arrived so late, Cersei knew that for the rest of the night he'd be apologizing profusely to her father. But she didn't care about that, because she knew that he was the man she wanted to marry from the very first glance. He had arrived with his guitar in hand, and when he approached closer to her, he had smiled and asked if he could perform a few songs for her to make up for being so late. Breathless, Cersei had simply smiled back and nodded. Later when he had performed, his beautiful songs had left her nearly in tears. She had seen such a sadness in the depths of his eyes and had wanted nothing more than to mend his wounds. That night when she had blown out her birthday candles, Cersei's only wish had been that she would marry Rhaegar Targaryen when she came of age. 

4 years later, her wish came true. Just two weeks after her 19th birthday, Cersei had walked down the aisle in the Terrace Room of the Plaza Hotel in New York City and lawfully wedded the man of her dreams. As Rhaegar had lifted the veil of her Christian Dior haute couture dress that and gazed into her eyes as he recited his wedding vows, Cersei had felt that her life was a beautiful dream. It was only after she glimpsed at Jaime's face in the audience that she felt her heart fall into her stomach. If only she had known that her nightmare was just beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've suddenly been back in the mood so I started writing again. This is very very short but I'm uploading 2 chapters tonight. If you're reading this and reading the fic, I really really appreciate it. Thanks a lot, I mean it genuinely.

“So, are you looking forward to tomorrow”? Rhaegar asked, snapping her out of her reverie. “Yes, I simply cannot wait to see Lysa”, Cersei replied curtly. Rhaegar gave her a knowing look but didn’t push it. Instead, he got up and moved towards the windows,“It’s too damn cold in here”, he said slamming the windows shut. Cersei rolled her eyes but said nothing.

He got back in bed, wrapped his arms around and kissed her bare shoulder before nuzzling his face in her hair. Cersei stiffened, her body suddenly rigid. But her husband took no notice and within a few minutes,he was asleep. She hated this. She hated how he still punished her. His every touch suffocated her. Yet Rhaegar continued to play his sick game. He pretended that his touches and kisses were genuine. He pretended that he was a good and devoted husband. Worst of all, he pretended that he still loved her.

She was now more wide awake than she was before Rhaegar had come home. She could feel his breath hot on her neck. Cersei wanted to scream. Even if she freed herself from his grasp, Rhaegar would only move closer to her and she would be left cowering on the side of the bed. Her husband always had to have control.

......

_Morning_

The sound of the alarm rang sharp in her ears. Her eyes fluttered open, her mouth dry. She reached for her bedside table and turned the alarm clock off which read 4:00 AM in harsh red numbers. She did not remember when she had fallen asleep. But her head felt heavy and her body ached to stay in the comfort of the warm, soft sheets. She looked to her right, at some point during the night Rhaegar had detangled himself from her . He lay still as stone now, his breaths calm and measured. She felt a hollowness in her chest. He was so beautiful. As she stared at him, she could not help but wonder for the millionth time, “Did you ever love me?”

She felt the tears fall down her eyes. She gritted her teeth as she realized that Rhaegar had won yet again. Today was supposed to be her day. Her day with him. His and hers. Their one day of bliss, of relief, of being alive. Yet, she still could not escape her own hateful and weak mind. It had been years. She should be numb by now. But the memories remained fresh and the wounds refused to heal.

Cersei wiped her tears with the back of her hand and got up from the bed. Rhaegar could not ruin this day for her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was fun to write lol.

_Past _

Rhaegar had briefly been engaged to Elia Martell long before he married Cersei. The couple had dated for 6 months before Rhaegar had gotten down on one knee and proposed with the amethyst and diamond ring that his father Aerys had proposed to his mother Rhaella with. Cersei had locked herself in her room and cried her eyes out for a week after she had heard the news. She had ignored the kocks on her door as her father's house staff would put trays of food outside her door, wanting to starve herself because for the first time in her life, she felt that she wasn't perfect and beautiful enough. She hadn't felt hungry anyways, her own misery and the bottle of red wine and box of chocolate truffles she always kept stashed under her bed had kept her plenty full.

However, all her misery had been for naught as Rhaegar and Elia broke up just two months after their engagement.There were rumors at the time that Rhaegar had cheated on Elia. She had even heard whispers that Elia had caught Rhaegar and the mystery woman fucking in their own bed. Once during a picnic in the gardens of her father’s London estate, Melara and stupid fat Jeyne Farman chattered about it between bites of bread and cheese. "Poor Elia, she deserves so much better than Rhaeghar", Jeyne had said while taking a swig of her mimosa to wash down the food. Cersei had simply looked her up and down, her eyes fixing on her thighs for a few seconds before she looked her in the eye again. "Jeyne, sweetie, I don’t think you should be consuming any liquid calories", Cersei had said to her with a cold smile. That had effectively shut Jeyne up. Her cheeks had reddened and she had pushed her plate of food and champagne flute to the side. Melara had burst out laughing, "Oh my God, you are such a fucking bitch" she had said playfully shoving Cersei.

It was all bullshit, Cersei was sure of it. It was nothing but lame gossip originated by Elia's friends. Elia had a devoted group of insufferable uninteresting friends who'd do anything to have their boring, meek, flat chested friend look like the victim in the situation. The breakup had been Elia's fault, Cersei had been sure of it. She had never been fierce and beautiful enough to fit with Rhaegar. Rhaegar deserved greater. He deserved her. After Rhaegar and Elia's disastrous breakup, the alliance between House Martell and House Targaryen was effectively over.

It was never said out loud, but everyone knew that deranged Aerys Targaryen had only given his blessing to Rhaegar and Elia's union to seize control from Tywin. It had been a secret known only to few, but her father had hinted to her since she was a mere child that if all went well, she would one day be a Targaryen. That meant almost nothing to her then, but she was grateful to simply have her father’s attention. At that time, he had even given her the rare half-smile. Of course, this was all before Tyrion had been born. Cersei had never seen her father smile after her hideous dwarf brother had killed her mother and cursed the world with his existence

……

_Present _

While brushing her teeth, Cersei’s Iphone buzzed with a text notification. She rinsed her mouth and toothbrush and grabbed her phone from the sink. Excitedly, she entered her passcode but her fingers were so jittery that she made several typos and had to take a deep breath before typing in her passcode again. “It has to be him”, her brain screamed at her. However as her phone unlocked and she read the message she felt bile rise up to her throat.

> “Sweet sister...my business trip for the hotel opening in Thailand got cancelled and I don’t fucking know how but Jaime somehow found out quickly and sent a 100 texts and clogged up my voicemails on how I need to make a quick trip to New York. My flight starts at around 5:00 so I’ll be in New York around 1 PM. I hate this as much as you but you know how our brother is”.

Cersei put a fist to her mouth and bit her knuckles to suppress her scream.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am attempting a Tyrion POV chapter! I was originally planning on doing this story only thru Cersei's POV so I guess I'm truly winging it lol. Anyways this will be pretty short and I feel like the Tyrion I'm writing is gonna be closer to show Tyrion rather than book Tyrion just because in a modern AU....things aren't as shit as they are in Westeros lmao.

Tyrion Lannister watched the shrinking roads and cars and houses as the plane lifted higher in the sky. As he stared at the crowded London streets disappearing before his eyes, he suddenly felt very tired. He covered a yawn with the back of his hand, and leaned back in his first-class seat. Some minutes later, he was politely woken up by beautiful flight attendant with a glass of champagne. She gave him a gracious smile as she handed him the flute. She was being courteous as it was required by her job, but Tyrion could still see the pity in her eyes. He smiled back at her and thanked her for her service. Between sips of champagne, he mindlessly skimmed scrolled through his Spotify library hoping to find some music to distract him for the rest of his flight. His preference would been to escape in a new book but he had forgotten his Kindle at home in his rush to get to the airport and had no time to peruse through books at the airport shops. He settled on "No Children" by the Mountain Goats and inserted his AirPods in his ears so he could blast the song at full volume. 

> I hope that our few remaining friends  
Give up on trying to save us  
I hope we come out with a fail-safe plot  
To piss off the dumb few that forgave us
> 
> I hope the fences we mended  
Fall down beneath their own weight  
And I hope we hang on past the last exit  
I hope it's already too late
> 
> And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here  
Someday burns down  
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away  
And I never come back to this town again
> 
> In my life, I hope I lie  
And tell everyone you were a good wife  
And I hope you die  
I hope we both die
> 
> I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow  
I hope it bleeds all day long  
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises  
We're pretty sure they're all wrong
> 
> I hope it stays dark forever  
I hope the worst isn't over  
And I hope you blink before I do  
And I hope I never get sober
> 
> And I hope when you think of me years down the line  
You can't find one good thing to say  
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out  
You'd stay the hell out of my way
> 
> I am drowning  
There is no sign of land  
You are coming down with me  
Hand in unlovable hand
> 
> And I hope you die  
I hope we both die

He listened to the song at least 10 times on repeat thinking of his sweet sister before falling into a deep slumber. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> attempted a jaime chapter. I feel like its pretty obvious that writing from Tyrion and Jaime's POV doesn't come as naturally to me as Cersei's since these chapters are so SO short but you know I'm trying~

_The Day Before _

The Malibu sunlight shone on his face, as blinding and golden as Cersei's hair. It was an especially hot summer. Jaime Lannister was accustomed to all kinds of weather, but this heatwave made him feel he was not quite himself. So, he seeked refuge in the ocean as he was doing now. He felt the waves crash over his head and all around him. The water stung his eyes and he found himself coughing and sputtering. He looked out at the ocean before him, at the endless expanse of deep blue water. _"I am alive" _he told himself but another part whispered _"for Cersei"_. He would finally see her tomorrow. The golden twins would celebrate their 33rd birthday together. Their one day together , he and Cersei always told themselves. In truth, they could only be alone for a few mere hours. As he swam back to the shore, he could not help but contemplate on how it had all gone so wrong. He should have been able to hold Cersei every morning and night. To love her, marry her and live without shame. Instead, he was imprisoned in a marriage with Lysa Tully and his father's wishes of expanding and glorifying business he had never cared for. If it was all for House Lannister, then why did he have to fight himself to keep moving towards the shore and not let the sea swallow him whole?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, but I've realized that it's just easier for me to post what I have than wait and post till I have a longer chapter.

Cersei pressed the cup of steaming black coffee to her chest. She took slow sips, the burning bitter sensation of the hot liquid in her mouth was a comfort.

Rhaegar had not been happy with her when she had informed him that Tyrion would be making an impromptu trip. She had made sure to tell him at 6:28 AM, just 2 minutes before he left for work. She was upset enough already, and the last thing she needed was to hear his whining. "Fuck, now I'm going to have make calls at work to reserve another seat at our restaurant table tonight" had been his first response when she had broke the news to him. She had simply grimaced at that and then in a matter of seconds Rhaegar had gotten up from the breakfast table and Senelle had handed him his suit jacket and briefcase. His brows were furrowed but as he had left, he had pulled her in for a kiss on her lips instead of his usual peck on the cheek instead. "Happy Birthday again, I'll see you tonight" he had said before heading towards the limo.

Cersei glanced at the newly adorned watch on her wrist. It read 7:06 AM. It was a Chopard, made of 18-karat gold, and encrusted with diamonds around its round outside. She had found the beautiful black leather box on top of her pillow when she had come back inside their bedroom after her bath. She had audibly gasped when she had opened the box. At that, Rhaegar had turned around and looked at her. She had forgotten he was still in bed. Clearly, he had been pretending to be asleep for awhile and been waiting for her reaction to his gift. With a wide smile, he had wished her a Happy Birthday. "Let me put it on you" he had said assuming a sitting position. She plopped down on the bed beside him and allowed him to clasp the watch on her right wrist. Then he moved one hand on her bare thigh and the other to unbelt her flimsy bathrobe. Her mind screamed and heart screamed in protest as she allowed him inside her body once again.

......

Now on her thin wrist, the watch felt heavy. She still had to suffer for three more agonizing hours. Taking one last swig of her coffee and wincing as it burned her throat, she got up and decided to get dressed. She would need to dress for _him_ today. 


End file.
